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Topic Editor: Robert E. Emery, PhD, University of Virginia, USA
Topic funded by: The Lawson Foundation
Children’s experiences of separation and divorce
Divorce and separation often lead children to experience intense emotions. Misinterpretations about the divorce and loyalty conflicts are also experienced by many, although few discuss their thoughts and feelings with their parents. Children who experience divorce may have more difficulties than children from two-parent families. Indeed, in the short term, divorce has been associated with decline in academic achievement, self-concept, and overall adjustment problems. Although most children from divorced parents do not suffer any long-term consequences, some children may experience difficulties in adolescence, such as mental health problems, substance abuse, delinquency, and teenage pregnancy. Problems may even persist into adulthood, as they tend to have more economic, emotional, health, and relationship problems.
The age at which children experience the divorce should be a primary concern to address their needs adequately. In the early years, infants function best with parents who are reliable, responsive and sensitive to the infant’s personal traits. Given that their sense of time and memory is not yet mature, babies must spend time frequently with both parents so that strong attachment relationships can develop. As children get older, the amount of time they spent with each parent becomes less crucial, though each parent must continue to be actively involved in their child’s education, discipline, play and care.
The effects of overnight stays with the nonresidential parents also fluctuate depending on the age of the child. Compared to infants with very few overnights, children under 2 who have regular overnights showed difficulties in stress regulation, while two- and three-year-olds also exhibit more separation anxiety, aggression, and eating problems than toddlers with less overnights. In the preschool years, children with overnight stays share a more positive relationship with the second parent and are better adjusted than children without overnights.
Risk and protective factors involved in the consequences of divorce
Several risk factors, most involving the quality of parenting, can worsen the negative impact of divorce on child development. The early stages of divorce represent a stressful period for parents, which often impairs parenting. Parents are typically less patient, consistent, and warm with their children during that period. Child monitoring, positive exchange and gentle discipline are also likely to diminish. Other factors that have been found to exacerbate the adverse effects of divorce include poverty, disorganized home arrangements, lack of contact with the nonresidential parent, and parents suffering from mental health problems. In addition, exposure to high parental conflicts is likely to affect children of all ages, but is particularly damaging to children under 4.
Fortunately, the harmful effects of divorce can be attenuated by a number of protective factors. For instance, children of cooperative and authoritative parents who minimize their child’s exposure and involvement in conflicts and who provide a stable and organized home environment are much better equipped to cope with the separation. Close ties with siblings and members of the extended family also lead to better adjustment.
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